In an article posted on MetroNaija allegedly written by Charlie Boy titled
“Escape From The Wilderness”, he talks in full length about his current
situation and more.
Read it below.
Does anyone know how I really feel right now? So alone and
empty, God! how I feel the pain. If you’re in the wilderness
like me, then you know it can be insane. Here, my eyes are
bleeding tears and my smiles are protecting my fears. I can’t
even go around and fake happy, because I’m in stagnation
and it is hitting me from all directions. There is this
disturbing feeling that time is passing me by, yet I’m
paralyzed, I can’t move and I can’t think too far.
At nights I can’t sleep too easy, my heart is sore and my
mind perpetually clustered with things that leave me shaking.
Oh!!! God why? I have prayed I have fasted but nothing has
changed, it’s almost a year now.
My dreams are nothing but nightmares of all the negatives in
this wilderness. What’s happening to me? Look at me, I have
always enjoyed comforting and giving directions to people in
pain, right now I can’t even save myself and I have refused to
take my own pills.Na so life be? On top of all of this, I’m so
f…..king broke it’s a shame.
No! It’s not just that I’m low in cash, but most importantly, it
is about being in this state of helplessness, I’m not too proud
to ask anyone for favour, but who will believe I need financial
help when they have put me on such a high pedestal.
Wow, is this a case of Grace to Grass? Who would guess I’m
dying slowly when all they can see is my biceps and triceps.
I have always been the joy giver, I have put smiles on
millions of faces and have inspired and motivated an army of
youths, yet I can’t seem to talk myself out of this rot, out of
this wilderness,hummmmm!! Why won’t this feeling of
hopelessness leave me alone, I know I can do more than I’m
doing for now, I know I deserve more.
Too many times I have asked God, why me, why do I have to
go through this wilderness. I am hardworking, forward
looking, positive thinking, so why do I have to suffer like this.
Is it the system or is it me, what the heck is this dark cloud
that has come over me.
I no longer look forward to tomorrow or getting out of my bed,
because a new day comes without hope. Nothing seems to
make sense anymore; nothing around me inspires me again.
I feel like I’m vegetating, I feel as if I I’m glued to this limbo,
with no hope of an escape. Now I’m hugging myself, not
sharing myself with my loved ones because I am suddenly
taking out my frustrations on the people around me. Oh! Lord
I must take control of my life; again, I must escape from this
wilderness.Does this sound a bit or a lot like your story right
now? Are you in that dark place in your life, where everything
more or less seems to be grinding to a halt and you don’t
know what to do? Well, it happens to the best of us.
I have learnt that in all things, one should give thanks. Most of the time we
are not entirely grateful for what we possess, because we always believe
that we need more than we have right now. If this is the case, we will
continue to need more.
This cycle will perpetuate as long as our mind believes it’s true. If we focus
on what we have and not what we lack, we will always have enough,
because it will always be enough. Yes, it is hard to stay cool when things
are not sitting right, the way we would like in our lives. We are the ones who
lose in the end, if we lose the lesson. Shey you dey feel my yarn? In this
wilderness I have learnt that a rich man is not someone who has the most,
but someone who needs the least.
Yesooooooo!!!!! I’m sharing all this with you so I can feel lighter. We will
always have problems, often tested by circumstances outside our control,
but we certainly can control our reaction to those situations. We have the
power because our inner world (cause) affects the influence we allow the
outer world (effect) to have on us. Being in the wilderness is always a result
of anxiety about the uncertain future. So, let’s stop and ask ourselves.
“What’s the specific uncertainty that is causing you to be afraid” once you
have identified that uncertainty, it is usually easier to simply accept its
presence in your life, just for the time being. I know that life is about the
journey and not the arrival. We don’t need to arrive if we accept that we are
already there. Not everyone woke up this morning and not everyone is going
to bed tonight. Life has no guarantees; every minute we are living is a
blessing that has to be experienced in the moment. It’s not always easy, but
it’s always an option or a choice.
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