Hiarious !!! Calabar Man Writes Marriage Proposal to Linda Ikeji

Well sha I just
stumbled on the
news that this
delectable beauty
just turned 33 and
would be
celebrating her
birthday in
England, far away
from me. Since
she has decided
to carry herself
that far, let me
quickly let her
know my
intentions
towards her
before one person
out there without
papers pour sand
sand for my garri.
Linda Baby, I
have spoken to
you on a few occasions, I am that Investment Banker who has been
trying to get you to partner with one of my clients. Each time I call,
you will pick the phone and in a smooth chocolaty voice turn down
my request. I will just smile cos I know that you really do not
understand the opportunity you are missing.
One day as I was doing some research, I stumbled on the valuation
of your blog and I screamed. I decided to pursue you through other
means. Since you no gree business, let me kuku chase you. If you
become my girlfriend, we can build a family business with me as the
Chairman and you as my deputy.
I am offering you the opportunity to be a Calabar wife. This position
comes with so much perks, that all your friends will die with envy.
First after capturing you, I will send you to Uyo to my mama, so she
will teach you the fine art of pounding yam and cooking Afang. You
will need these skills to build a successful career in my house. This
would take you a whole four weeks, because as I see you so, we
would need to build your muscles first before we start. Ma Calabar
will also have to teach you how to pull out periwinkle from its shell.
When you are through, you will now come back to Lagos and be
introduced to your senior wife, who will also teach you the wonderful
culinary skills of boiling Indomie. Now this has to be taken seriously,
because it’s the only thing I eat after work. You will also be involved
in school runs, so the Nanny can rest a bit. You will sleep on the floor
as I do not expect your senior would allow you share our bed just
yet. You will remove the wigs and revert to Calabar braids, cut your
nails and start  using palm oil for your skin.
At 33, you are at the ripe age to join the family business. All these
blog thing will have to stop, I don’t like the exposure. You will be
involved in selling Garri. You have all it takes to make the business
grow. You can talk and you have long hands that would be useful in
dipping inside the bag while measuring the kondo as you sell.
You will not call me by name, you will always refer to me as Baba
Etekamba and you must kneel each time you bring food for me to eat.
You will never dish my food but you will be the expert in charge of
serving it. You will also work closely with the driver to ensure that
all the cars are in tip top shape. You will be allocated the only
tokunbo car in the garage for your use, when you are going to the
market.
This whole thing is looking very exciting, kindly send your
application letter, stating very clearly, ‘ ‘Application to marry you
Sir’. You can send it through Aloba, because he would be on the panel
that would scrutinize your request and recommend your engagement
or otherwise. Teeheee!!!!
Happy birthday my darling and God bless you and give you many
more fruitful years. The wicked will not see you and you will
continue to be a beacon of hope in our society. Stay blessed.
[Article by JOSEPH SAMPSON EDGAR]

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